Brave New World: If i was President for 8 years I would...

I was asked an important question by someone who read my post about Bush and his partner Olmert. If I was president (im assuming of the US) and had 2 terms (thats 8 years for those who had to look it up like myself) what would I do? Personally, I would implement the following 9 items:

1) Put Hillary on the top 10 terrorist 'most wanted' list for wasting peoples money and making this a really long, painful and costly run off to the presidential candidate elections! Just die please.

Intended result: apart from her shameful suicide (first losing Bills loyalty now this!), America will now be able to focus on more important things like sports and the nation will once again be educated on the World News and not repeats of the last 17 primaries on prime time TV.

2) Sit all the heads of the Middle East countries together at one 'round' / oval (according to taste) table. Seriously discuss the issues facing peace in an unstable region and generally put it to them what I want exactly in terms of oil output. F U OPEC!

Intended result: Somehow bring peace to the Middle East and stop the rising prices of oil and richer Arabs who flood other 'Western' countries with their super cars and epeens. World will be safer place.

3) Call on all multinational advertising agencies to come to said meeting in (2) and get them to choose which countries they want to own... i mean do the advertising for. Any country chosen by 2 or more will result in a marathon pitch until determined by said countries head.

Intended result: War will no longer involve guns, tanks and missiles and will now be pens, macs and egos / epeens (select as appropriate).

4) Focus national spending on health care rather than military spending, elections and ground zero memorials.

Intended result: Breeding more Americans will mean we will have a better excuse to take countries by force. Terrorist excuse is starting to get old! Reduction in military spending will mean we will be forced to employ rednecks into the army, they already come with weapons (pitchs forks etc), missiles (whatever they eat can be stored for use later as chemical weapons) and vehicles (tractors that run on vegetables for the win!).

5) Marry an African princess. Apart from her physical endurance, I will now be held in high regard as not only an international politician and celebrity, but also a man that embraces many cultures.

Intended result: Tactfully boost the American economy by claiming all the African diamon and gold mines for her 'ladyship' and become a hero like Gordon Brown of the UK.

6) Employ Bush as my 'public advisor' and Bill as 'PR manager'

Intended result: Bush will inevitably take the heat off me and Clinton would just pimp my style and fan base amongst the ladies. No need to worry about Hillary, she got 1)'d.

7) Invite Greenspan to my ranch and generally make casual conversation.

Intended result: World economy will pick up on speculation that Greenspan may be made head of the US Federal Reserve again. Dollar at all time high and US plucked out of recession as jobs go back to Americans and not to Afghani / Iraqi / illegal immigrants (and those in the US on 'tourist' visas). Tourism will go down, but theres nothing much to see here that they would appreciate.

8) Make an album with Cat Stevens and a movie with Alig G (Sasha Cohen). Promoting Islam as a podcast and Judaism image as a ipod / iphone / itv / ieverythingelseyoucanimagine movie you can download.

Intended result: Pope will get really mad and declare War on America, Vatican overwhelmed by redneck tourists thanks to 7) and 4).

9) Dissolve the UN, WTO, World Bank and encourage other continents to dissolve their organisations, especially that pest EuroZone!

Intended result: countries dissolve memberships etc. World becomes empty... all decide to join my facebook group and debates are held on gmail chat. Any resulting arguments and conspiracies can be handled with pokes or alternatively youtube.